your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You were trust falling into bushes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
