when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize