So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
