wanna go halves on a baby?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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