Where is the hickey?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
