Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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