yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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