Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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