Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
