I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
