i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
