Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
