Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
