You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
