You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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