Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
