i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
