the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
