So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize