grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
