I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Someone shit on the floor
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
