I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
