Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
