You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
