First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
