Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize