I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We need to get me chipped asap
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
