I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
