need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
