I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
