you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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