I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
