Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
