what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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