i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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