i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am naked and annoyed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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