Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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