i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
