there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
