If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
