i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
