That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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