so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize