I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
