i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
