i jhust puked up my retainher.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
