I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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