I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
