Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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