You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had sex on a roof
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
