I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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