i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
