it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
