fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
