You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
