What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
