I need to stop coming to work sober
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
