Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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