Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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