Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
