First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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