oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
