you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
