Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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