I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize