I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
