I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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