It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
